Monday, 4 December 2017
Six steps to Christmas-tree-proofing your relationship
1. When your other half decides to get all Chevy Chase and recreate a Griswald family Christmas, steer away from reminding him (on loop) that his plans to get the oversized Christmas tree home were ill thought-out at best and non-existent in reality. Resist also the urge to reiterate over and over again that you “told him so”, as a necessary evacuation of car seats from one car and the reinstalling of them in another follows in near baltic temperatures while the two year old screams incessantly, the four year old makes numerous bids for freedom and the seven year old sings “Feliz Navidad” at the top of his voice.
2. Do not constantly refer to the fact that you could have put up and decorated the artificial tree that lounges in the attic, four times over in the time that it took to choose and relocate the oversized real Christmas tree.
3. Refrain from sharing your true feeling when, five hours later, the tree still has not successfully been installed in the newly-purchased stand which promised to make the putting up of your tree “a cinch”.
4. Resist the temptation to turn the air blue when - after the tree is finally up, the lights have been painstakingly assembled on the branches for maximum balance and effect, and most the baubles are gaily hanging in place - you realise that the tree has once more assumed a “leaning tower of Pisa” position and correcting it involves removing said lights and baubles and battling with the newly purchased stand once again.
5. Desist from picking up the beautiful pine-smelling tree, that cannot be coaxed into a straight standing position and throwing it out the front door in temper while swearing that you are NEVER getting another real tree and that the artificial one is coming down from the attic first thing in the morning because you cannot look at a lob-sided tree for the next month and basically Christmas is effectively ruined.
6. Open the wine, turn off the main lights, turn on the Christmas tree ones and appreciate how less crooked the tree looks in the dark.